paper19

iOS Notes

This is a collection of snippets from my notes app. I tend to use the app to jot down half-thought out sentences when I'm high, or when I've just woken up, or when I'm just about to go to bed, or when I'm going through it. As a result, a lot of the things I write down are pretty unconstructed, "edgy", or non-sensical. Here are some select snippets. I don't fully understand why I'm doing this, probably something to do with connection in the wired age would be my guess though, maybe it's a vector for intimacy.

  • I seem to have a penchant for thinking "this seems silly", and then heavily discounting whatever triggered that thought, I don't know if this is always a good thing, and I worry at times this can cascade into something self-destructive.
  • The last time I felt at home was in montreal, I really miss the feeling of home, and the people that made me feel that way.
  • Lexical analysis; "are you using words?". Syntactic analysis; "are your words in the correct order?". Semantic analysis; "do your words make sense?".
  • If I could go back and do it all over I'd like to have studied some form of biology, all the coolest people I've met have a background in biology/ecology/zoology.
  • I miss Adeline, and I hope her children are alright.
  • In vitro gametogenesis seems like a cool medical frontier & kinda blows my mind.
  • I've heard before emotions such as loneliness can be beneficial as they can trigger you to seek connection within your environment, are all emotions beneficial for organisims to experience?
  • I'm worried I may become bipolar once I'm older. I'm fine now, but like I feel that it can come out of nowhere later on in your life. Plus there's a small history of that in my family tree. That's a pretty hard thing for the people around you, and I don't want to subject those I love to anything like that.
  • I'm also worried I'll lose my memory, and I really treasure a lot of experiences I've had, so I'm writing them down as to help not forget them. (added note: there's a lot that I'm not going to post here.)
    • Trying mushrooms for the first time with someone special to me, we consumed a fairly large dose, laid on a bed in a windowless basement, lost any kind of temporal reference frame, watched 2001: a space odyssey, princess mononoke, listened to grimes, and cried.
    • Going to a significant other's cottage in the winter with her and her roommates, it was styled as an old hunter's cabin, with a wood stove in the center. Around the stove we had laid mattresses to hang out/sleep/drink wine on, I can't really express this memory in any other term than `cozy`.
    • Honestly buying my house at the beginning of the pandemic was a great memory, my best friends moved in, and I took a year off work immediately after. I took the year off in effort to go back to school which I kinda bombed hard. The truth was I was pretty burnt out with work and things in my personal life at the time, and probably wasn't really in a space to do anything other than nothing. Still, I met a lot of great people in that year off.
  • I tend to feel like I'm on borrowed time, but I'm not sure what for.
  • Jim Simons was such an insteresting dude, cool that he differentiated himself on his "taste".
  • ErdÅ‘s was also pretty cool.